HALLOWEEN ARRIVES AND A CELEBRATION TAKES PLACE AT A LOCAL ELEMENTARY SCHOOL FOR SCHOLARS. FACULTY, EDUCATORS, AND CHILDREN DRESS UP FOR THE DAY OF HORROR. ARRIVES A FOURTH GRADE TEACHER IN A DINOSAUR’S COSTUME, BUT NOT JUST YOUR COMMON TRICERATOPS NOR TYRANNOSAURUS, IT’S A ARCHAEOPTERYX, A FLYING DINOSAUR. OUR SENSE OF HUMOR IS EITHER THE DESTRUCTION OF ALL MANKIND OR THE REASON TO STICK AROUND AND SEE WHERE IT ALL GOES. A CHILD WALKS UP TO HIS TEACHER, ‘WHAT’S YOUR COSTUME?’ HE ASKS. ‘I’M AN ARCHAEOPTERYX, A PRIMEVAL BIRD,’ SHE ANSWERS. THE KID CONTINUES WITH HIS INQUIRY, ‘WHY’D YOU WANT TO DRESS UP LIKE A BIRD FOR HALLOWEEN?’ FAIR QUESTION, WE’VE SEEN ALL SORTS OF COSTUMES SINCE THE BEGINNING OF THE TRADITION, A BIRD’S A LITTLE OUT OF THE ORDINARY. ‘NOT JUST A BIRD, WE’RE TALKING A 100 MILLION YEAR OLD DINOSAUR.’ SHE REPLIES. THE KID DOESN’T GET IT, ‘I DON’T GET IT,’ HE SAYS. ‘I THINK DINOSAURS ARE SCARY, SO I DRESSED UP AS ONE FOR HALLOWEEN’ SAYS THE TEACHER. A KID BUDS IN, ‘I DON’T THINK BIRDS ARE SCARY.’ ALMOST INSULTED, ‘OH, NO?’ SHE REPLIES AND CONTINUES, ‘AN ARCHAEOPTERYX DIVES FROM THE SKY AT 80 AND HALF MILES AN HOUR, SNATCHES YOU FROM THE GROUND, TAKES YOU THREE HUNDRED FEET IN THE AIR, AND DROPS YOU TO A CERTAIN DEATH. THE BIRD MAKES ITS WAY DOWN AND EATS YOU! NOW THAT’S FRIGHTENING.’ THE KIDS SURROUNDING HER ALMOST NEED AN ADDITIONAL SECOND MAYBE TWO FOR THE INFORMATION TO REGISTER, THE KID YELLS A CRY AND THE TEACHER FINDS HERSELF NEGOTIATING SENSITIVITY TRAINING HOURS WITH THE SCHOOL’S PRINCIPAL. ‘SARAH, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?’ THE SCHOOL PRINCIPAL PLEADS. ‘I JUST FIND IT A BIT UNFAIR THAT WE HAVE A NATIONAL HOLIDAY ALLOWING KIDS TO RUN AROUND WITH MACHETES AND TOY GUNS, BUT I HAVE TO TALK TO THE HEAD OF THE SCHOOL FOR BRINGING UP FACTS ABOUT THE SORT’VE LIFE THAT HAS EXISTED ON EARTH MILLIONS OF YEARS AGO,’ SHE RESPONDS. THE GUY’S COOL, HE HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR TOO, ‘SHOULD I WRITE A LETTER TO THE STATE SUGGESTING WE GET RID OF THE COSTUMES AND DECORATIONS?’ HE REPLIES. ‘WELL, NO. I DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH DEATH AND REPULSION. ITS THESE LITTLE BITCHES,’ SHE ANSWERS. HOW DO YOU THINK ADULTS TALK? SHOULD AN ADULT CENSOR HIS OR HERSELF? THE GUIDELINES OF THE HOUSE, DO WE COMPROMISE OR DO WE KEEP A FIRM GRIP ON OUR INDIVIDUALITY? ‘HOW ABOUT THIS, WOULD YOU SPARE AN HOUR TWICE A WEEK FOR TRAINING? AND A LETTER TO THE CHILD’S MOTHER APOLOGIZING FOR THE ERROR.’ THE PRINCIPAL SUGGESTS. ‘ADDITIONAL HOURS AND AN ASSIGNMENT FOR SOMETHING I DON’T FEEL I WAS IN THE WRONG ABOUT?’ SARAH CONTESTS. ‘BUT — YOU’RE WRONG. YOU ARE MOST DEFINITELY IN THE WRONG WHEN IT COMES TO SOMEONE ELSE’S CHILD. YOU DON’T HAVE SAY SO ABOUT WHAT THAT CHILD AND PARENT MAY OR MAY NOT FIND OFFENSIVE. FRIGHTENING, IN THIS CASE,’ HE ANSWERS. ‘WELL, NO. I DON’T WANT TO DO IT,’ SHE REPLIES. ‘FINE, THAT’S FINE. IT’S OKAY FOR YOU TO FEEL THAT WAY, BECAUSE YOU’RE GOING TO DO IT ANYWAY, BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO CHOICE,’ SAYS THE PRINCIPAL.
SCENE,
WHY’D YOU BREAK UP WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND? WHY DID YOU BREAK UP WITH MOM? END OF SCENE.
AN ACTOR’S INTERPRETATION NOT NECESSARILY BEING IN COMPLETE AGREEMENT WITH THE STAFF AND MORE JARGON WILL BE ADDED HERE LATER, CHARACTER AND AN AGREED UPON ROLE,
LIKE SAID, I WROTE THE MUTHAFUKKER, I GOTTA FIND SOME DIALOGUE FOR THE TALENT TO READ? IS WHAT WE’RE LOOKING FOR, RIGHT? TALENT?
‘CORRECT,’ SAYS PETE. WHO’S PETE?
THE DUDE WE NEED WHENEVER SOME GOOD STUFF NEEDS TO BE MENTIONED, RIGHT, BEING A DIRECTION. CORRECT, BEING A MORE APPROPRIATE WORD OF USE, RELATING TO FACTS. HAVE THE ACTORS MAKE SOMETHING UP, AND MAKE IT GOOD. IS A NETWORK’S RESPONSIBILITY, FIND PEOPLE THAT MAKE FOR THE BEST SCENE. WERE A HANDFUL OF PAIRS, FATHER-SON-ONE, FATHER-SON-TWO, FATHER-SONTHREE. WERE THE DAYS OF ACCUMULATED FILM AND CUTS IDIOTS FIGHTING IN THE PARKING LOT, ‘WHY NOT HAVE A LITERAL FATHER SON DUO?’ LIKE, BRO — WE’RE LOOKING FOR A GOOD SCENE HERE, NOT THE LITERAL THING. WE’LL TAKE YA’ IF YOU’RE ANY GOOD, WAS THIS ONE DUDE THAT ROLL’D IN WITH LIL JULIO. THEY WERE GOOD, THEY WERE LEGIT TALENTED ACTORS. PROBLEM IS, LIL JULIO AND THE ONE DUDE WERE LIKE ALCOHOLICS AT A BAR, TALENTED — YES. I DON’T KNOW HOW THEY GOT THEIR HANDS ON SOME UNRELEASED WILL BE RELEASED AFTER A FEW EDITS, DON’T KNOW HOW THEY KNEW ABOUT THE TIME AND LOCATION, THEY WERE A GOOD FATHER’SON DUO, LIKE SAID, THE ONE DUDE AND LIL JULIO WERE ALCOHOLICS FROM SOME BAR THAT GAVE IT A TRY AND HAD A GREAT AUDITION. STORY HAS IT, THEY REFUSED TO GIVE UP. SOMETHING HAPPENED AFTER THE AUDITION, THEY USED THAT MOMENTUM AND BLEW THE ROOF OFF A LOCAL HOTSPOT. THESE GUYS WERE GOOD AT WHAT THEY DID, NEVER TOOK A CHANCE WITH PEOPLE THEY WERE FAMILIAR WITH, SOME. AT A LOCATION THEY WERE FAMILIAR WITH, SOME. THEY CHARMED THE GUESTS AND ENTERTAINED THE HOUSE LONG ENOUGH FOR THE KITCHEN TO GET THEIR PLATES COOK’D AND NOT HAVE ANYONE THROWING A FIT, WHILE WAITING. DUDES AT A BAR, WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT? WAS A LASTING IMPRESSION THAT ALLOWED THEM, WORK, BABY. WORK. GOES THE STORY. THEY’RE DOING ALRIGHT,
THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS, ‘THE PURSUIT’ BEING THE THING, IS WHAT I HEAR. NO ONE RINGS YOUR LINE WITH GOOD NEWS, ENCOURAGING WORDS, OR LOTS OF MONEY BECAUSE YOU WRITE THE FUNNY. WHAT’S THE WORD? WHAT’S THE EFFORT ABOUT? IS A TROMBONE PLAYER LOOKING TO BANK BIG LIKE EVERY ONE OF US. POOR, LITTLE, TROMBONE PLAYER, WHO WANTS YOUR EXPOSITION ON CD-ROM? NOBODY, POOR, LITTLE, TROMBONE PLAYER. ABSOLUTELY, NOBODY. EXISTS SOME MAGIC AT THIS TIME OF THE YEAR. COULD BE MIDNIGHT, COULD BE A FEW MINUTES AFTER, I THINK OUR MAN FINDS THOSE FIVE MINUTES AND FINDS A SUPER HOT BABY MOMS TYPE LADY TO FUCK. ALL HE HAS TO DO IS REEL IT IN. WE’RE NOT TALKING AN HOUR, NOT THIRTY, NOT TWENTY. WE’RE TALKING FIVE MINUTES WORTH OF A SOLO AND THAT’S THE STORY, MAN, THAT’S THE TRUTH. CAN YOU HANDLE THAT? FORGET THE PLAY, OUR MAN NEEDS TO SQUEEZE OUT A KICK’ASS MUSICAL PHRASE FOR THIS UNIQUE TALENT TO MEAN SOMETHING TO SOMEONE THAT’S NOT HIS ROOMMATE. GOES OUR TROMBONE PLAYER MAKING HIS STEAK SHINING SHOES IN THE BIG CITY, GUESS YOU CAN SAY, ‘LIFE BLOWS.’ FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES A STORY IS WRITTEN. A PRODUCTION MEANS PLENTY, BELIEVE IT OR NOT — PEOPLE WANT THE WORK, THE TITLE, THE ROLE, THE RESPONSIBILITY, NO MATTER HOW MUCH A MORNING RUN SUCKS, NO MATTER HOW LOATHSOME AN AFTERNOON MEETING MAY BE, NO MATTER HOW MUCH ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING WITH THE COFFEE, THE CRAFTY WITH THE CHEESE AND BAGELS, YOU KNOW’ THE GOOD STUFF, LOTS OF STRAWBERRIES, CANTALOUPE, AVOCADO BREAD IS OVERRATED, YEAH? IS THE POOL OF TALENT OUT THERE, CLOCKING THEIR HOURS FOR AN OPPORTUNITY TO BE SEEN, TO BE HEARD, TO BE CONSIDERED. SHE’S THE DAUGHTER OF A SUCCESSFUL JEWELER, HER LIFE IS WAY BETTER THAN OURS, BRO! VACATIONS, WORKING FIREPLACE, LOTS OF JORDANS, BUT THAT’S LADY LUCK, KNAW-MEAN? WHAT BEING RICH GOT TO DO WITH IT? THAT’S A PERSON THAT FEELS LIKE WE FEEL. IT IS AN UNLIKELY MEETING OF TWO, BUT NOT SO RARE ALMOST CLICHE HOLLYWOOD TALE ABOUT THE ROUGH AROUND THE EDGES TALENT AND THE SAD RICH GIRL PAIRING, PROMISING THE READER A NIGHT TO REMEMBER. THE PLAY’S AN OPPORTUNITY TO WRAP IT ALL TOGETHER. MEDIA MEMBERS LOVE A SCANDAL AND NO ONE’S BETTER AT MAKING HEADLINES THAN POPULAR FILMMAKER PIERRE DE’CABRINI. AN EMBELLISHMENT OF DETAILS REGARDING A CELEBRITY DIVORCE HAS LED TO PUBLIC UPROAR AND OUTCRY. THE AMBITIOUS DIRECTOR REMAINS STERN ON THE STORY’S DIRECTION, CLAIMING AN ORIGINAL NOT SO TRUE CRIME STORY ABOUT HEARTBREAK LEADING TO A FUCK IT! SNAG THE BROAD, DRIVE OFF A CLIFF, CONCLUDE IN A MURDER SUICIDE. ITS DANGEROUS, AND DANGER IS SEXCY,
‘YOU’RE
A LIAR AND A THIEF OF HEARTS. I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU, AGAIN.’
THE WORLD WANTS THEM TOGETHER, FUCK YOU, WE DON’T KNOW THEIR BUSINESS. THE ZEN MASTER MAKES HIS WAY TO THE COUPLE’S DAUGHTER, SARAH — SHE’S NINE. ‘CAN I SIT HERE?’ HE ASKS. ‘NO,’ SHE REPLIES. ‘THAN I’LL STAND,’ THE ZEN MASTER ANSWERS AND CONTINUES, ‘I WOULD LIKE FOR YOU TO STOP CRYING.’ THE KID LOOKS AT THE OLD HEAD AND WOULD LIKE TO SAY SOMETHING GOOD LIKE, GET BENT, GO FUCK YOURSELF, EAT MIERDA CABRON. SHE CAN’T, SHE’S A KID, HOW ELOQUENT COULD SHE BE? INSTEAD — SHE SAYS, ‘YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE.’ SIMPLE, EFFECTIVE, SHEEK. THE ZEN MASTER DIGS INTO HIS COAT AND FLASHES HIS CIGARETTE, ‘YOU SEE THIS? ARE YOU LOOKING AT IT? I QUIT TWO DAYS AGO AND YOU’RE PUSHING ME LADY. YOU ARE PUSHING ME,’ POCKETS THE THING, ‘LISTEN, IF WE’RE GOING TO DO THIS, YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME SOMETHING TO WORK WITH, I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE NONSENSE THAT HAS YOU ALL BOOHOO’ EYED,’ THE ZEN MASTER CONCLUDES. SARAH GETS UP AND LEAVES THE BACKYARD. THE ZEN MASTER IS LEFT ALONE WITH HIS CIGARETTE. HE KNOWS HE CAN’T SMOKE, HE HAS TO GO AND TALK TO THE KID. HE MAKES HIS WAY TOWARDS SARAH’S ROOM, OPENS THE DOOR, AND IS MET WITH CONTENTION. ‘I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU,’ SAYS SARAH. ‘WELL, WE SHOULD, BECAUSE WE’RE GOING TO BE INVOLVED IN ONE ANOTHER’S LIFE FOR A LONG TIME,’ REPLIES THE ZEN MASTER. ‘WHO ARE YOU? NOBODY KNOWS YOU, BITCH. LIL BITCH. OLD HEADED ASS, BITCH!’ SPITES SARAH. ‘I TOLD YOU WHO I AM, I’M THE ZEN MASTER. THE CLAIM HAS BEEN SUCCEEDED AFTER MANY YEARS WORTH OF RESEARCH AND PRACTICE, PRACTICE AND RESEARCH DEDICATED TO THE COMMITMENT OF BEING ZEN. SO, COOL IT, DUDE!’ THE ZEN MASTER BREAKS THROUGH, SARAH EASES UP ON HIM. ‘SO — WHAT OF WITH YOU, HOW YOU GET HERE, HOW DO YOU KNOW MY FAMILY?’ ASKS SARAH. ‘I REPRESENT A THIRD PARTY. YOUR PARENTS, THEY OWN EQUITY WITH A BIG TIME NETWORK, THE NETWORK AND YOUR FOLKS HIRED ME TO MONITOR, REGULATE, AND LOOK OUT FOR YOUR BEST INTEREST,’ ANSWERS THE ZEN MASTER. SARAH AREN’T YOU CLEVER, ‘YOU’RE MY NANNY,’ SHE REPLIES. THE ZEN MASTER SNAPS, ‘HERE! TAKE MY GUN AND SHOOT ME. NO HARD FEELINGS KID, GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR WELL BEING, I NEED THIS GIG TO SPONSOR MY DRUG HABIT.’ TUCKS THE HEATER BACK INTO ITS SLEEVE. ‘YOU LIKE THAT? GLOCK 19,’ SNIFFS AROUND, ‘WHAT’S THAT? DID SOMEONE SHIT THEIR PANTS?’ A QUIET SARAH DID NOT SHIT HER PANTS. ‘SO — YOUR PARENTS WANT ONE ANOTHERS HEADS ON A PLATTER, BIG DEAL. YOU GOT ME IN YOUR LIFE, NOW. I’LL SEE YOU TOMORROW MORNING. WE TALK OVER SOME COCO PUFFS,’ THE ZEN MASTER HAS SPOKEN, MAKES HIS WAY OUT. ‘ZEN MASTER,’ SAYS THE LADY. ‘YEHHS,’ ANSWERS THE ZEN MASTER. ‘ARE YOU EVER GOING TO ASK ME ABOUT THE PICTURE GLASS, ON THE DRESSER?’ ZEN MASTER TAKES A LOOK, ‘THAT’S A SIGNED PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN PHOTO, PAPA TOLD ME HE’S THE ZEN MASTER,’ SARAH LEADS ON. ‘NO, YOUR FATHER IS WAY THE FUCK! OUT OF LEFT FIELD. EXCUSE ME, DO YOU MIND IF I,’ ZEN MASTER PUTS THE CIGARETTE IN HIS MOUTH, GRABS IT, POCKETS IT, ‘I AM — A ZEN MASTER, YES. PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN, HALL OF FAMER, GOOD MAN, HE QUOTED THE TALE OF OUR ORIGINAL ZEN MASTER. KID IS GIFTED A HORSE FOR HIS BIRTHDAY, EVERYONE SAYS, ITS GREAT. ZEN MASTER SAYS, WE’LL SEE. KID FALLS OFF THE HORSE AND BREAKS HIS FOOT, EVERYONE SAYS, ITS AWFUL. ZEN MASTER SAYS, WE’LL SEE. A WAR BREAKS OUT, KID CAN’T GO DUE TO THE INJURY, PEOPLE SAY, LUCKY HIM. ZEN MASTER SAYS,’ THE ZEN MASTER LOOKS AT THE KID FOR ASSISTANCE, NOTHING. ‘POINT BEING, YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO STAND IN BALANCE REGARDLESS OF GOOD OR BAD,’
MEET DENNIS. DENNIS WAS A WALKING DOORMAT FOR SOME OF THE PUB BULLIES. THE BULLIES, NOT TOO BRIGHT, NOT TOO SPECIAL, JUST SOME BIG BLOKES WITH LOTS OF ATTITUDE BECAUSE THE BIGGER YOU ARE THE LESS LIKELY SOMEONE IS TO DOUBLE ON A BLUFF. DON’T HELP THAT DENNIS AIN’T NO’GOOD WITH WORDS NONE, BUT THE KID’S TALENTED WITH A CAMERA, CLEVER AS A FOX TOO. MEET HIS PARTNER AND BEST’FRIEND, TOMMY, GOOD MAN WITH A FAIR GAZE, NOT THE TYPE TO FOOL TWICE, IF AT ALL. LOOKS AFTER DENNIS, BUMPS HIM, CHECKS HIM, TOUGHENS HIM UP, PROTECTS AND SHARES WITH HIM. THEY MET A FEW YEARS BACK, DENNIS CAUGHT HEAT AT A POOL TABLE, COLLECTING ALL SORTS OF CASH, ALL TO HAVE THE BULLIES SNATCH UP HIS EARNINGS. TOMMY DIDN’T LIKE THAT TOO MUCH. WALKS UP TO THE BULLIES, ATTEMPTS TO REASON WITH THEM. THE BIG FUCK, WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT? SPITS ON TOMMY’S SHOES. TOMMY GRABS A POOL STICK AND LANDS A WHACK TO THE DOME. AFTER THE INCIDENT, THE BULLIES DIDN’T PUSH DENNIS AROUND LIKE THEY USE’TO. IT TOOK A FEW NIGHTS FOR DENNIS AND TOMMY TO WARM UP TO ONE ANOTHER, EVENTUALLY, FINDING SIMILARITIES IN THEIR SHAMELESS SENSE OF HUMOR. BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, THEY FIGURE OUT A WAY TO MAKE SOME GOOD MONEY, TOGETHER. OUTSIDE OF THE SCHOOL GROUNDS IS A PARKED HONDA WITH TOMMY AS THE DRIVER AND DENNIS TAKING SNAPS OF THE SCHOOLTEACHER, MAKING HER WAY TO HER CAR. ‘GOT IT!’ SAYS DENNIS. ‘ARE YOU SURE? TAKE A FEW MORE,’ REPLIES TOMMY. ‘TOMMY, IS NO JUICE WORTH ITS EFFORTS SQUEEZE IF IT TAKES HELL AN ALL FURY FOR A GLASS OF LEMONADE WHENTS MISSION COMPLETE,’ ANSWERS DENNIS. ‘WHAT LEMONS? WHAT LEMONADE? IT IS NOT LIKE YOU’RE PERFORMING OPEN HEART SURGERY NOW ARE YA’? TAKE A COUPLE OF MORE SNAPS, WHY DON’T SHA,’ TOMMY INSISTS. ‘YOU CAN’T COOK A TURKEY WITH TWO CHEFS IN THE KITCHEN, TOMMY,’ REPLIES DENNIS. ‘WHAT IN THE WORLD IS YOUR BLATHERING ABOUT? IT’S A PICTURE, TAKE A COUPLE MORE — OH GREAT,’ TOMMY STOPS. THE SCHOOLTEACHER MAKES HER WAY INTO THE CAR, GOES OUT THE DRIVEWAY. ‘YOU SEE,’ SAYS TOMMY. ‘FOLLOW HER, I GOT AN IDEA,’ SAYS DENNIS. ‘AN IDEA,’ SNOOTS TOMMY. ‘YES. NOW GO, BEFORE WE LOSE HER,’ CONCLUDES DENNIS,
ALLOW IT TO LOSE REASON, IS WHEN WHAT NEEDS TO BE SAID IS NOTED. THE ACTION DRIVEN BY THE BELIEF THAT WHAT IS WRITTEN IS WORTH A REFERENCE. A DESIRED TASK IS OFTEN ATTENDED TO WITHOUT EFFORT, UNFORTUNATELY, A DESIRED TASK IS USUALLY BEER AND PIZZA, PIZZA AND FOOTBALL. No shit hi-definition is expensive, we’re talking a fortune’s worth of gear, player.
WHAT IS A LEADER’S RESPONSIBILITY?
THE MOST COMMON BEING A PROPOSAL TO THE PUBLIC, A MANIFESTO BEING A TRANSLATION WITH PURPOSE. CURRENT EVENTS GUIDE THE CONVERSATION, LANGUAGE CAN’ CONTRIBUTE LIKE IT CAN’ TROUBLE A REGION. WHAT DOES A NATION ASK OF ITS PEOPLE? MEET THE LAND’S PEOPLE. IS THE TERM, GOVERNMENT, UP FOR INTERPRETATION? WHAT WOULD BE GOAL, PRIORITY, REASON FOR, ROLE AND RESPONSIBILITY,
11 THE DELEGATION
@_chico0thaRulaa
October, 2025
A MEMORY’S DREAM BEING A COLLECTION OF PICTURE AND SOUND, COLOR, THE JUICE YA’ KNOW, LIGHTS AND SHH. THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES FIND ENLIGHTENMENT AT TEMPLE, THEY ARE MUTANT’BEINGS THAT KICK’ASS, THE PEOPLE WANT SELFIES. IT WAS TIME TO RETURN TO THE GRUNGE CITY THEY LEFT BEHIND, A FEW YEARS AGO. CAN’T WAIT FOR ZAA’ AND GOOD TIMES WITH THE CITY FOLK. TO THEIR SURPRISE, AN UNUSUAL, ‘HEY, THAT’S RAPH ON THE KID’S SHIRT,’ SAYS DONNIE. ‘YOU’RE RIGHT THAT IS ME. AND THERE GOES LEO ON THAT GUY’S HAT,’ SAYS RAPH. LEFT AND RIGHT, SKATEBOARDERS, COMIC BOOK ENTHUSIAST, AND SOME DUDE WALKING THE STREET, WEARING TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES MERCHANDISE. ‘FELLAS, CHECK IT OUT,’ SAYS LEO, HE POINTS TO A NEWSSTAND, ’THAT’S US ON THE COVER OF — Us WEEKLY.’ THEY MAKE A MOVE TO THE NEWSSTAND. MIKEY OPENS UP THE MAGAZINE, ‘HEY YOU GOTTA PAY FOR THAT,’ SAYS BRODIE BRUCE, ‘OH HEY, IT’S YOU GUYS. RAPH, MIKEY, DONNIE, LEO. HOW ARE YA’?’ HE GLEES. A LOOK OF CONFUSION ON THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES FACES. ‘WELL, YOU LOOK GREAT, WHERE WERE YOU GUYS, CANADA? — I’M JUST JOKING.’ DON’T WORRY LOTS OF PEOPLE FELT THE SAME WAY ABOUT THE ‘CULVER CITY’ JOKE. ‘WE HAVE ARRIVED FROM THE HILLS OF ‘RAKUH A PAYAMAN’ IN BATANES. WHERE WE SOUGHT AND FOUND ENLIGHTENMENT FOLLOWING THE GUIDANCE OF MASTER JIRO DE LOS SANTOS,’ ANSWERS LEO. ’WELL, ALRIGHT. WELCOME BACK FELLAS,’ RAPHAEL INTERRUPTS BRODIE, ‘SO WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA HERE? WHY IS MY FACE PLASTERED ALL OVER THE PLACE?' MIKEY INTERJECTS, ‘WELL, IT’S NOT JUST YOU. WE SAW PLENTY OF ME AS WELL,’ DONNIE INTERRUPTS,’I MUST MENTION, PLENTY OF ME WAS SEEN AROUND HERE,’ RAPH IN FRUSTRATION, ‘NOBODY CARES DONNIE,’ DONNIE RETURNS WITH, ‘WELL, OBVIOUSLY THEY DO, THEY’RE CLEARLY INFLUENCED BY ME’ RAPH STRIKES WITH A, ‘SHUT UP DONNIE,’ DONNIE RETURNS, ‘NO, YOU SHUT UP’ BACK AND FORTH, BACK AND FORTH, SHUT-UP, SHUT-UP, FINALLY, ‘QUIET!’ SAYS LEO, ‘GUY, WHAT’S YOUR NAME?’ ASKS LEO. ’I’M BRODIE BRUCE, COMIC BOOK ENTHUSIAST, WORLD FAMOUS MALLRAT. WELL, MAYBE NOT WORLD FAMOUS, LOTS OF PEOPLE IN JERSEY KNOW ME,’ HE CONCLUDES. ’WHY ARE WE PLASTERED ALL OVER THE PLACE?’ LEO FURTHER INQUIRES. A MOMENT OF DISBELIEF AND DISAPPOINTMENT FROM BRODIE. ‘OH MY, DON’T TELL ME YOU HAVE NO IDEA THERE’S A MOVIE BEING MADE OF THE COMIC’BOOK YOU FOUR ARE THE BASIS FOR,’ ARRIVES A KNOCK ON MY DOOR. TO MY SURPRISE, STAND JAY AND SILENT BOB, ‘REMAIN EVER AND ALL PRESENT TO THE WORDS I AM DELIVERING. I DON’T KNOW YOU, BUT I HAVE A FEELING, I DON’T LIKE YOU VERY MUCH. THIS IS MY HIGH DEFINITION EVERYTHING, WHATEVER IT IS YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING ON THE INTERNET, STOPS — NOW. A TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLE REBOOT IS A KEVIN SMITH BUSINESS, WHO HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING TO ABOUT BIG MONEY CHIPS? DON’T MESS WITH MY NUT, WILL BE BETTER BELIEVE IT REPERCUSSIONS AT YOUR DOOR, BECAUSE THAT’S HOW KEVIN ROLLS, RIGHT JAY?’ JAY ANSWERS, ‘DAMN, SKIPPY.’ SLICE AND CUT, ‘WHAT? I DON’T SAY ‘DAMN, SKIPPY’ YO!’ SAYS JASON MEWES, THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND. SILENT BOB CONTINUES, ‘AND DON’T BOTHER TELLING ANYONE ABOUT THE TIME JAY AND SILENT BOB ARRIVED TO YOUR DOOR, BECAUSE NO ONE AND I MEAN NO ONE IS GOING TO BELIEVE YOU. FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM, BUY SOME OF OUR MERCH, WE’RE FAMOUS, YOU KNOW HOW TO REACH US. COME ON JAY,’ KEVIN MAKES HIS WAY OUT THE SCENE, JAY CONCLUDES WITH AH, ‘SNOOGINS.’
